Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
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