then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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