I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Randomize
