I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
