So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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