Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Randomize
