I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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