But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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