Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
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