Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Randomize
