my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
