In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
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