# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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