I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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