if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Randomize
