So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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