Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
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Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
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Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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