i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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