WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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