You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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