I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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