It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
