i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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