she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
