Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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