I think I am morally bankrupt
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
