tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
