Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Randomize
