so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
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