I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
