I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize