If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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