A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
