Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
