quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
