i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
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