2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Randomize
