drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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