then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
