Define "chronic" masturbator.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Randomize