What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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