party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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