Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
