gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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