Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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