We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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