Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
