my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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