I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
