I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
