Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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