So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
