Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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