It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
