Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
