I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Cover your peen. We're going out.
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