Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
No I am not eating basil off your cock
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
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