There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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