Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
