TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
i just made my gag reflex go away.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
