Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Randomize
