It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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