He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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