tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
