Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
