apparently the secret to your success is patron
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
