I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
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