Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize
