There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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