I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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