I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
well I can't set my house on fire every night
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
