I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
