my mouth tastes like poor choices
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
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