you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Randomize
