sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize