So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
