It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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