well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
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