I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Randomize
