Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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