When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Randomize
