I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
