To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
