I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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